Listen, Beta!!

A well to do gujarati NRI couple, come back from their yearly sojourn away from the country. They see that a lot has happened in India since they left. They call their family & friends in a frantic effort to swallow all the information/gossip first hand and gormandize other opinions, all of which is done with a sense of cynicism and prejudice. I happen to have been one of the invites for tea & dhokala & khakra. Well, with all the crunching and munching around, not to mention the abnormally loud voices & a lot of “ane” as puctuations….the fun & frolic begins. Here’s a snippet.

“hello beta, so nice to see you!! You are always writing so many exams & you are so busy…..blahblah”.. I gave a smile of resignation. Then came the brief introductions. I nod & nod &nod some more. Getting tired, I spotted food and immediately excused myself. Well, that was a mistake. Because, here I was now, surrounded by the ladies. All giggly. I shrank. Considered my options and settled on a chair in between. Non-alignment, I thought. The conversation veered to the money and the economy and the stock markets. I smiled. No matter how hard I try to not type cast people, sometimes I am just forced to accept it. Like the cliché..wherever there is a gujju..he is sure to talk money and business. So, there it was.
Uncle 1: “ what Is all this about India & china beating the US by 2025? It is not going to happen. Just look, just look at the USA! What they built a 100yrs back, we are still struggling to build those.”
Uncle 2: “exactly. Ane, has anyboby seen the george Washington bridge! 6 lanes on the left, 6 lanes on the right, 6 down-left,6down right..that is, 24 in all…built 75yrs back!..what foresight these people have. And here, the sea-link has taken years…and when it will open, within a few months there would be a traffic jam on it. In the USA when new lanes are built you don’t even realize that they are building a new lane..its just done. And before you know, its open. Here, people remember the agony while they are building the roads that soon break down more than the comfort they experience!”
Hhahahaha!! *laughter everywhere*
Uncle 1: “we just don’t have the infrastructure. But the mentality, the mentality of the people is worse. In the USA when a person works for 8hrs..he actually puts in his 100%..there are no complaints in there. A house-keeper will clean your house sincerely, and put everything back to where it was. The lawn will be mowed, very clean. No litter any where. Here, I see the gardener at the park, comes to work at 11:30..eats his lunch. Sweeps around the place and leaves. No sincerity whatsoever. What people here take 3days, people over there do it 3hrs.”
Uncle 3: yeah, the mentality…when I went to gujrat sometime back,I saw that there was a bridge built across the narmada. They charged the passing vehicles rs.10 toll tax. A receipt was issued but it had only the date, not the time. I saw 2 boys standing on either side of the bridge. They used to collect the receipts from the passing cars and run back and hand over the same receipts over and over again. What to do with such people! In the USA u can slip a few coins in , the bar raises and you are on your way. You see no cheating. Everything is so transparent there. You cant escape the taxes, you cant escape punishment. Its clean.
I couldn’t help snorting. I mean do these oldies even watch American sitcoms!! What happened to prison break, criminal minds, numbers, boston legal, shark and blah!! Ooh, I forgot, they like kyunki & kasauti…American politics are equally corrupt…and what do they have to say about sarah palin!!-I wanted to ask…but the conversation moved on…
Uncle 1: *animated* its like that only!!..arre, you should see how long Indians use their gadgets. Americans just don’t do it. I see cell phones, television sets etc..lying in the trash can. They go ahead and buy new things constantly. You have nice sales where you get all the good stuff for as cheap as $5 after the season. Where can you get such things.
*I look around in this guys apartment. His computer lying in the corner was old. He had an ancient television too. No, flashy lcd’s anywhere. And yes, he did not respect his servants. Im sure there was no provident fund or a health insurance given to the poor servants who laboured in these houses. It felt sick. Double-standard, gits*

Soon, one “uncle” came to me and said, ”listen beta..i have some trouble with my cell-phone. I hear you are studying engineering. Can you please help me. This icon is missing.” I oblige. Now, like all these rich guys, he bought a flashy nokia communicator. Did not know anything about it. Not that I am any better at cell-phones. But I guess a little better off. I showed him his “ missing” icon.
The man was very happy. He flashes his smile and asks-“ when are you coming to the USA? Please do visit my son & his wife. He has a huge apartment close to manhattan. He will take good care of you. Do not hesitate. You are very intelligent, you must go to the USA”

I smile and say- “sure”. He actually said all that for a “missing icon”.
The conversation had moved to airline industry. But the comparison continued.

Uncle 2” when 9/11 happened, there where 4000 airplanes flying at that time. 4000!..how many in India?? *people give random figures* how many airports do we have here. 10 decent ones. Over there, there are 100s. all this development thing in India is not happening.
Uncle 4: *a knight to the rescue*
“arre, nahi, everything is not like that. We in the developing countries save and the USA spends. They spend because we save. All the US treasury bonds that all the countries buy.
Uncle 2: “that is because, people trust the united states. It is a market. If the US dies the world dies. US will not let any other country come. It is far too advance…”
The conversation then turned to bail out packages..blah.

Everything was permeated with the smell of delicious Indian snacks. “aah!!..this is only in India!” they would remark. They are so vehement in their support and their loyalty so un-wavering, that a dog would appear unfaithful. They love India for its food, the US for its comfort, probably china for its cheap merchandize. Why then do these opportunistic gypsy businessmen - talk of ethics and sincerity and morality and worse nationality. All in all, it was therapy for the poor old men to think their lives are better off. I personally, enjoyed the show. Jesters hoping up and down totally blinded from reality and animated over nothing.