Kaddlicks

Kaddlicks

Like that only we are, men. What men, I heard today that they are talking about us in the papers men. What is this men? What they have about us? We be like this only. In those pitchers you know men, they be showing us as the local dons men. We get the hooch for everyone men. How it is like that men? Who told them about us and hooch men? That is for us only. We don’t drink and kill people. We drink and sing men. We sing like happy people. At least we drink at home and all the people are knowing about us drinking men. They, those pitcher people men, they drink and be eating the dookhar and the maas and then when they intercept with us they tell us that eating the flesh is bad for the health. That is why we live longer than them men.

Where is the time to see all these pitchers men? We don’t have time to see the hens in the shack men. What men? My TV is broke and that cablewalla bugger is not coming to see it men. Stupid bugger. When the TV comes again I’ll see all these pitchers and then I’ll tell the other gaon chaps. I’ll tell them that these pitcher buggers, how they are making fun of us. But who cares men? Live and let live men. Those people who live in our houses men, they took away all our houses men. That is why we live in Boorovli now men, in IC colony men. There only men, not far men. Knoot in Bhassein men, not that far. You take the fast train and you reach IC at 7. 7 10 latest. It’s a nice life. But we had to sell the fadders house in Bandra and come here men. But its nice here men. There are somany people like us men. They also like to live big men. Real big. One bugger goes on those rigs where there is no booze and he brings back the money. The others party all day long and live nice. The chicken shop here sells nice chickens. They, come you know alive and some come dead. But we buy the alive ones and keep the died ones for the others. You know those buggers who come in the night, to eat chicken; they take it and eat it. Like us. They also like chicken and meat. But when the sun comes up they don’t be liking it. Funnee people.

In the village men, you know where there are meny of us no, there is always a church. We go for mass there and we stand outside , on the graves and talk there. But when the fadder is talking, we listen. He says that we are outstanding katlicks. Very outstanding. After the mass also we stand there and we talk about odder people in the village. And they talk about us. Sometimes we go to each others house to talk but that is not fun. No fun like church talking. It is also not nice to intercept with people when they are having a fight with their fathers. Mudders and wifes. If you intercept then, then they intercept with you when you don’t like it.

If you see someone you know at the station, you make hand to them. Even if it is fadder from church, you make hand to him, but if he doesn’t make hand back, then you make hand again. He will make hand eventually. One day no, I met my friend from the convent, I made hand to him and he made hand to me and we started talking about the good old days. When the fields were green and the rivers had water. Those were the nice days no? What had happened today men? All these people ? from where they come and to where they go nobody nows. He told me no. that his sister men want to be taking a job in a school as a teacher. I told him to tell her to be a receptionist. Sit, tell some people good morning and afternoon and do something. That is a good life and come back fast.

But the chrsitmas mass if the fun part. You go for the mass and come back and feast on the turkey. Sometimes we eat the pig. You know we catch the one pig and make it nice and fat so that we can eat it. Then you drink and sing and sleep.

That is life. Sleep. Eat. And enjoy. Don’t be taking any tension. Be happy and don’t worry. Don’t worry about anything. Just do it.

DISCLAIMER

The ideas and words used in this piece are not meant to harm anyone from MY community especially. It’s all in jest and should not be taken as a dig at us (me included). Laugh if you want to. That’s what this is meant to be. A joke. It’s all in jest. Inspired by a similar piece that I read in today’s HT. And BTW, I’m EI. If you know what that means.