The Mall Rat

The Mall Rat

Ever since there’s been a torrent of malls springing up all over the place like mushrooms there’s been a steady evolution of the guju-kind that formerly inhabited these areas into the slick mall rat. The vermin that form that lifeblood of the spanking new, marble floored shiny and well lit malls that suddenly seem to be at every street corner.

They prowl the ever expanding corridors of the modern day shopping centers in search of everything that a typical rodent would want. Some social interaction, some food, some to be eaten and some to be stashed away for a wintry day and some entertainment. They seldom enter the shops to examine their wares but are masters at ogling at all that is beyond their monetary reach from the wrong side of the glass expanse that separated them. When that rare time comes to purchase something, they attack as a pack, leaving a very annoyed keeper of the shop in their wake. They move in packs of roughly ten individuals with each individual being the resident expert at some part of their many layered den.

Their plans for the day emerge impromptu as they assemble to begin yet another assault on the shopping paradise that is the mall with their chosen time of attack being the late evenings to the wee hours or as long as opening hours permit.

Some of their more industrious comrades have even taken to earning off this passion to be in the glittering confines of

the mall whenever they can. How? They sell advertising space. Where? On themselves, the forehead being the most sought after place by advertisers only too eager to experiment with new channels of reaching out to gullible buyers.

As the daily attack begins, the pack disperses in various directions; some ride the escalator, some take the elevator and still others stalk the nearest corridors in search of, well nothing. Their minds are as blank as the polished floors that they tread on. They look for prey that has been killed already and which needs scavengers like them to prevent the rotten stink of a marketing campaign gone wrong from filling the air with a disgruntled manager’s ear-smoke. They attack free offers from generous organizations seeking exposure and greedily devour all that is offered and more often than not, return for a fourth helping.

At then end of a hard day, they regroup to scour the place for any leftovers as a group and to discuss the day’s conquests and acquisitions. They then disband and seek solace in their warm beds to recoup for another attack the following day.

Live off the mall, grow, multiply and reap. The rat. The mall rat.

Peace.